35lbs off now !!!

Delighted with my progress, which is slow and steady bit like me :)

Need a thing?

Well folks I have settled rather nicely into my new way of eating. Up to 25 lbs lost and I am delighted. It's almost becoming unimportant how much I lose although there are some important milestones, because I honestly think I eat eat like this for life. It's such a healthy approach to food and I am no longer locked in a battle against my mind.

The only downside is that my focus was to lose weight and get well, and I have managed both, I feel so healthy now, I am not claiming to be fit I am sure that will come but I am feeling better than I have since 2009 when I started getting sick all the time.

With this unexpected ticking of goals I have a new quest... I gotta find a thing! My thing was food and now I need a new thing.

Can't get out much with an elderly terminally ill pet to care for so that makes it tougher. But I am exploring the possibilities to find my thing, when I discover it I will let you know.

WOW!

6 weeks in and I have lost 18lb! But more importantly I feel wonderful. I don't think I truly appreciated how ill my poor diet was making me feel until now. I was tired but not going to bed very early, probably due to the amount of full fat cola I drank! I was very sluggish in the morning, my body tired from trying to digest processed carbs when it really should be in rest mode. I had no energy which I put down to my size. And most of all I would wake up every day hating myself, feeling weak and a failure because I couldnt do what was necessary to address my weight.

I can honestly say that is all behind me now, I have stuck to this plan rigidly for 6 weeks now and I haven't craved or caved not even once.

I do not eat refined or processed foods, instead opting for made from scratch meals consisting of a balance of meat and veg ( no carbs).

I have tried to introduce fruit to my diet twice but it makes me gain weight, it appears that all that Tropicana Orange Juice I was guzzling wasn't giving me a Vit C boost it was making me addicted to sugar. Who would have thought it eh?

No more, I follow a Harcombe Friendly regime and I am never hungry, I no longer have to take Omeprazole for indigestion, that was the processed carbs causing me grief not the fats in foods!

For the first time in my life I honestly think I will achieve a size revolution. Maybe this time next ear I will be within a healthy BMI and bankrupting myself buying new clothes in a smaller size.

It's early days to say it's changed my life but it has all the markings of doing so and that makes me a happy bunny.

Off now to cook my roast beef dinner yum yum bloody yum!

Well that didn't last long but there is good news!

I tried, I really did, but calorie controlled diets just don't work for me, I am a bit of an all or nothing person, either I eat without restriction, rebelling against all the health advocates who hold back on that extra biscuit, or I can follow a strict plan for a short while, always knowing that eventually I will be able to eat nice things again one day.

This yo yo behaviour has led me to lose a fair bit of weight over the years but has also led me to gain a lot more. My doc said I don't have trouble losing weight I have trouble keeping it off.

Anyway my last attempt resulted in an emotional crash, I can't stick to a diet, there I said it, I am ashamed but where I can be focused and disciplined in other areas my eating I can never gain control of. Yes I love my food, but this runs much deeper than that, food is my medication and I am addicted, I can't stop and I totally understand how people become incapacitated by it. The illness I have suffered recently although not due to my weight has put me in a weak state and mentally food has been my crutch. I wish I could find an alternative to food to keep me upbeat but so far I haven't.

Recently it led me to buy a couple of books about Overeating, I am keen to understand the dysfunctional way I view food. My pals will vouch that when they come to tea they enjoy a delightful selection of goodies, if we go out food will feature, when on holiday the dirty great fry up starts they day and hot chocolate while the sun sets ends it. Everything to be enjoyed involves eating too!

Anyway back to the books! God they were dull, they didn't even relate to me, I don't feel guilty whe I eat, I am not bothered if my bum looks big in this, I am flattered when people tell me how attractive I am for a large person, I bloody know that I like a bit of fat myself but not as much as I have got!

So I ditched the books and started to think that dieting would be the only answer, then I fell upon a new diet I hadn't encountered before called the Harcombe Diet.

Reading Zoe Harcombes book has been a bit of a revelation, I honestly think I need to stop blaming myself for my current demise, it appears that years of dieting 35 years to be precise have made me addicted to sugar and carbs, my recent ill heath and under active thyroid have led me to suffer from Candida and this is where my real problems lie. Every time I just cut down on my sugar and carb intake my body boes mad craving it more and more, so the new eating addresses this kills the Candida and promises to become a new way of eating.

I have only completed 4 days so far but my experience is true to the book. I feel determined and focused and hope that it is going to work for me. I haven't felt this determined in years. I am excited at the prospect of wellness and strength which will return to my body.

I look forward to the days when this blog is about more than just dieting and have hope for the first time that this is achievable.

Watch this space guys xxx

Do as I should not what I like!

Tomorrow I start a new way of living, it goes against all the principles of my life so far but I am willing to try it for a while.
It's called 'Do as I should, not Do as I like!' and it has some rules something I am not good with.

1. Early to bed, in bed before 11pm on a weeknight.
2. Food is not my friend, eat to live not live to eat, in moderation and only for fuel not pleasure ( think this will be very hard!)
3. Water is nicer than pop and all the body needs to hydrate so should be the only source of fluid when thirsty.
4. Minimum 30 mins walking every day rain or shine
5. Get up at 7am and change morning routine to allow for leisurely breakfast before work.
6. Learn to like fruit
7. Plan meals in advance as you know it will be hard cooking 2 different dinners but get on with it.
8. Remember food does not make you happy in the long term.
9. Try at least to like yourself as much as everyone else does they can't ALL be wrong.
10. Write in your Food and Exercise Diary daily and look out for your buddy.


See my motto is life is too short but keep on going like this an life sure will be too short!

I am a right rebel, I hate being disciplined, look on it as a bad thing, why ? who knows but it's the main reason for my self destructive behaviour, I will try and adjust my bad attitude to allow me to make some headway into a healthier lifestyle.

watch this space!

Gutted :(

OK it's not so funny any more. This flippin illness is a bind. I wanted a back massage so badly, so decided to consult with a complementary therapist and book one, guess what, she won't touch me with a barge pole :( apparently it's dangerous as I may unleash untold amounts of nasty toxins to run riot around my body.


GRRRR!

So back to mr GP (oops he isn't a mr is he it's dr.) never mind I just have to get to the bottom of my poorly pain in the right side get it fixed then I can get some massage on it.

Professional peeps keep telling me it will take months, by the time I am physically better I will be a loopy woman with numerous emotional tics and compulsions as well as a fat arse ( yes even fatter) from sitting around healing!

Pinch Punch 1st of the Month

Dear blog it's been a while since my last outpour of emotion, I have no good reason, I wanted to come back a bit more positive but I can't stay away forever! so here I am!


I started back at work last week on a phased return 2 days last week, 2 days this, 3 days next week, then 4 before a review and possible extension. I really thought that would be overkill but I was really shocked at how easily tired I am, how little I can realistically achieve at the moment. Serious illness doesn't just affect a person physically, there are mental scars too, lost confidence, low mood and at times a bit of sheer panic undermine my mental state and at times I begin to doubt if I can get it all back. I find myself worrying and stressing over little things, things that shouldn't phase me in the slightest.

Work is pretty shitty too, in the public sector a department which administers a reducing budget with charities and housing associations, applying this Governments harsh cuts does not sit easily on my shoulders or those of my workmates. This does not create a happy environment to be working in.

With a terminally ill pet at home is feeling all gloom and doom.


On the bright side, the other half has begun a fitness regime and wants to start eating healthily, the nights are drawing out and clocks change this month, I have a plan to help me hit my target to March for Public Service on 26th March in central London.

I am much much better than I was in January so progress slow but it s still going in the right direction.

As long as the tiredness and shortness of breath eases I can relax, if it doesn't the GP wants to investigate a possible enlarged heart flagged on the last Xray, with a further scan, I am being positive about this as I think my heart is fine.

Negativity

Not got much to say, I am devoid of interesting thoughts right now.

I have pleurisy and its taken me down a notch, I am so bored of sedentary activities and blogging is one of them.

I promise to return when my postive outlook does xx

If I think it, it will happen?

I never considered myself imptient, I dont cheat, I am happy to bide my time, but this getting better malarkey its starting to bug me.

I have been dead good, honest! Rest up the doc said, I have rested up. Dont overdo it my Dad said, I havent, ignoring a bit of dust and the odd bit of ironing. Listen to your body my mates tell me, well I have and it aint saying much. Anyhoo, I love my job though I am informed its pretty shit there at the moment, I desparately want to get back to normal. I honestly cant imagine being back in the routine of 6.45 am get up, 45 min drive to work, 10 min treck into office, back to back meetings another 10 min trek up hill 45 min drive home then all the other things I used to do. It may not sound much to a well person but its a mountain to me. But just how long should I expect to sit tight waiting for my strength to reappear?

I am off to the hospital tomorrow as I have been having some niggly problems with breathing and a pain in my right side, I cant trust my GP any more so I am going to rock up at A&E like they told me to. Hopefully they can put my mind at rest and reassure me I am recovering ok and there is no lasting damage to my lungs.

What I need is to start to be able to make some plans set some goals and start living again.

The struggles of recovery

When I first returned from hospital I was full of excitement for life, determined to stay on a focused path to recovery. Mentally I am still there but its taking too long and following an unsatisfactory visit to my inefficient GP I feel a bit lost. Its dangerous to search the internet for answers but netdoctor is rapidly becoming my new support system.

I want to hear other peoples experiences, but often people only post the bad stories on the net so I doubt I would get much of a balanced view.

3 weeks ago today I was sent home I am much improved but stuggling to return to normal duties, everything knocks me back and begs the question is it too much too soon?

How much longer should I expect to be hampered by my ilness?

Slow Cookers and Vegetables as promised

Today I have created another stonking Stew, it smells delish and I do believe I am becoming a master of the slow cooked meat. This is much to the distress of my covenience food loving man who likes his food visibly separate on his plate. I have watched him try and dissect and separate the meat from the veg not without a little guilt, but you see deep down I know I am helping him improve his poor diet whether he enjoys it or not.

Stuart is a rare being, he has often said if there was a pill he could take that would prevent the need for eating he would take it. I have also witnessed the alien behaviour of pushing away a plate with food on because 'he has run out of potato!' what is that about????

I am in complete contrast, I cannot leave food that I am enjoying and it has taken a while to realise I need to put myself less. Is it normal for a woman at least a foot smaller than her super fit man, to have just the same on her plate??? I dont think so.

So its now my job the right the wrongs in our eating behaviour and set us on the right track.

I am up against it, I love chips, Stu loves chips!
But I am committed to the cause and I am going to try some recipes in my beloved slow cooker which dont mix veg, I have a fancy to slow roast a whole chicken and also want to try shredded pork.

I will then begin a quest to improve my vegetable consumption with the help of my trusty steamer, though I can guarantee broad beans are not on the menu EVER EVER EVER YUK!

Watch this space I am sure I will report back soon.

While my body plays catch up my brain plays flashback!

Following the turning point of my demise a very dishy french doctor came to see me, he informed me that it seemed my lungs were working better, crikey was I relieved, I was afraid to ask but needed to know if any long term damage to my lungs was likely. He said I was expected to make a full recovery..... Yay! That really was all I wanted to hear. I told him so much, elaborating on how 2011 was supposed to be my year to get fit! That is when Mr French Doctor man got quite zerious.... "you must put all ideas like that aside, we are talking months not weeks until you are returned to pre illness fitness" (not that that was much of a peak, yes I can tie my own laces, paint my toe nails of a fashion and keep up a semblance of normality but in secret phew do I chuff!)

So back to my plan, this isnt the first time I have pledged to make changes, those of you who really know me, not just in the virtual sense, will know I have had many plans. Some get off the ground and result in partial progress, others pale away. This time is diffent, this is not about a short term goal to get into a smaller size for a wedding. Its not about being able to spend money I havent got on the fantasic array of cool clothes available in the standard sizes (12 - 18).

This is about having a mental plan to combat the mortal fear I get when I flashback to being in that ward, surrounded by people who for different reasons havent got an adequate body to keep them well and free from pain and suffering.

When I was sat there among them with my oxygen mask forcing air into my lungs, nebuliser opening up my cluttered airway, sweat dripping down my forehead and head lolling as I faught the urge to fall alseep. I saw the future for me and I didnt like it one bit.

My fear or hospitals had kept me away from them for a very long time, but I started to think that if I dont change, if I dont start to care about my body, I may well end up in one of those beds, with no dignity, no hope and lots to regret.

I did not want this post to be so negative but I guess it needed to be written down in front of me starkly so that I can read and re read my pledge.

I promise my next post will be full of talk of slow cookers, fruit and vegetables but for today I will spare a thought for some of those unfortunate souls and another for the sadly growing death toll of healthy people who have been taken from us this winter by Swine flu and Pneumonia.

Day One - Where do I start?

I am beginning a journey, at the grand old age of 44  - I have finally woken up to myself and with the help of a recent scare, I am starting a new phase in my life.

You see I am a good person, kind and thoughtful, will do anything for just about anyone but when it comes to me .... pretty much zilch. I am so far down my list of priorities that I guess I am lucky to have gotten to the ripe old age of 44 without serious problems.

Anyway 2010 wasnt a great year for me health wise, it began with Laryngitis, lots of referalls to specialists, new meds new meds and more new meds, I began to rattle! I got fed up and started doing less and less (which wasnt much of a change as I did very little anyway). My work means the world to me and I always made sure I had energy for that but everything else got lost along the way.

As I settled in to this sedentary life I had carved myself, little did I know how dangerously close I would get to slipping away completely.

You see hard work, late nights, poor diet, little exercise, and isolation do not contribute to a robust constitution and by late November 2010 a nasty little virus had entered my body and was silently working its way into my respiratory system.

I was ill, so ill I couldn't go to work and believe me that's ill! 3 trips to the doctors resulted in back to back anti biotics and doctors notes but I wasnt getting any better.

In early December a GP got close to solving the mystery, my oxygen levels were 88% I had a temperature 38.5, I was coughing up blood, so off the the local hospital I was sent where a bed was waiting. A bed I refused to get into! Silly me! Possible Pulmonary Embolism was diagnosed and more anti biotics prescribed. I went home same day and continued my quest to combat the chest infection I thought I had. I sat around surrounded by over the counter remedies and spent days going through the cycle of tablets, inhalers, nasal sprays, throat sprays, painklillers, anti biotics, and throat sweets.

But I wasnt getting better I was getting worse.

In the early hours of 27th December after the worst Christmas on record (and there have been a few) I was rushed to A&E with breathing problems, due to the bank holiday it took several days to diagnose Swine Flu and Double Pneumonia!

I spent 10 days in hospital in isolation ITU and there were times when I didnt think I would make it, I didnt respond well to the drugs they gave me and my poor old lungs were not filtering properly.

But here I am back at home pretty weak but on the mend. My mind is full of thoughts and plans but my poor little body needs time to catch up.

This blog will follow me through my journey to get back to my health levels prior to the assasination attempt and then onwards to a new level never seen before in my lifetime. I am not setting unrealistic goals, just planning on living healthily and managing to treck up the odd North Devon Sand Dune sometime in 2011.

If I havent bored you stiff with my first longwinded update feel free to join me on my journey :)