Dear blog it's been a while since my last outpour of emotion, I have no good reason, I wanted to come back a bit more positive but I can't stay away forever! so here I am!
I started back at work last week on a phased return 2 days last week, 2 days this, 3 days next week, then 4 before a review and possible extension. I really thought that would be overkill but I was really shocked at how easily tired I am, how little I can realistically achieve at the moment. Serious illness doesn't just affect a person physically, there are mental scars too, lost confidence, low mood and at times a bit of sheer panic undermine my mental state and at times I begin to doubt if I can get it all back. I find myself worrying and stressing over little things, things that shouldn't phase me in the slightest.
Work is pretty shitty too, in the public sector a department which administers a reducing budget with charities and housing associations, applying this Governments harsh cuts does not sit easily on my shoulders or those of my workmates. This does not create a happy environment to be working in.
With a terminally ill pet at home is feeling all gloom and doom.
On the bright side, the other half has begun a fitness regime and wants to start eating healthily, the nights are drawing out and clocks change this month, I have a plan to help me hit my target to March for Public Service on 26th March in central London.
I am much much better than I was in January so progress slow but it s still going in the right direction.
As long as the tiredness and shortness of breath eases I can relax, if it doesn't the GP wants to investigate a possible enlarged heart flagged on the last Xray, with a further scan, I am being positive about this as I think my heart is fine.