I tried, I really did, but calorie controlled diets just don't work for me, I am a bit of an all or nothing person, either I eat without restriction, rebelling against all the health advocates who hold back on that extra biscuit, or I can follow a strict plan for a short while, always knowing that eventually I will be able to eat nice things again one day.
This yo yo behaviour has led me to lose a fair bit of weight over the years but has also led me to gain a lot more. My doc said I don't have trouble losing weight I have trouble keeping it off.
Anyway my last attempt resulted in an emotional crash, I can't stick to a diet, there I said it, I am ashamed but where I can be focused and disciplined in other areas my eating I can never gain control of. Yes I love my food, but this runs much deeper than that, food is my medication and I am addicted, I can't stop and I totally understand how people become incapacitated by it. The illness I have suffered recently although not due to my weight has put me in a weak state and mentally food has been my crutch. I wish I could find an alternative to food to keep me upbeat but so far I haven't.
Recently it led me to buy a couple of books about Overeating, I am keen to understand the dysfunctional way I view food. My pals will vouch that when they come to tea they enjoy a delightful selection of goodies, if we go out food will feature, when on holiday the dirty great fry up starts they day and hot chocolate while the sun sets ends it. Everything to be enjoyed involves eating too!
Anyway back to the books! God they were dull, they didn't even relate to me, I don't feel guilty whe I eat, I am not bothered if my bum looks big in this, I am flattered when people tell me how attractive I am for a large person, I bloody know that I like a bit of fat myself but not as much as I have got!
So I ditched the books and started to think that dieting would be the only answer, then I fell upon a new diet I hadn't encountered before called the Harcombe Diet.
Reading Zoe Harcombes book has been a bit of a revelation, I honestly think I need to stop blaming myself for my current demise, it appears that years of dieting 35 years to be precise have made me addicted to sugar and carbs, my recent ill heath and under active thyroid have led me to suffer from Candida and this is where my real problems lie. Every time I just cut down on my sugar and carb intake my body boes mad craving it more and more, so the new eating addresses this kills the Candida and promises to become a new way of eating.
I have only completed 4 days so far but my experience is true to the book. I feel determined and focused and hope that it is going to work for me. I haven't felt this determined in years. I am excited at the prospect of wellness and strength which will return to my body.
I look forward to the days when this blog is about more than just dieting and have hope for the first time that this is achievable.
Watch this space guys xxx