If I think it, it will happen?

I never considered myself imptient, I dont cheat, I am happy to bide my time, but this getting better malarkey its starting to bug me.

I have been dead good, honest! Rest up the doc said, I have rested up. Dont overdo it my Dad said, I havent, ignoring a bit of dust and the odd bit of ironing. Listen to your body my mates tell me, well I have and it aint saying much. Anyhoo, I love my job though I am informed its pretty shit there at the moment, I desparately want to get back to normal. I honestly cant imagine being back in the routine of 6.45 am get up, 45 min drive to work, 10 min treck into office, back to back meetings another 10 min trek up hill 45 min drive home then all the other things I used to do. It may not sound much to a well person but its a mountain to me. But just how long should I expect to sit tight waiting for my strength to reappear?

I am off to the hospital tomorrow as I have been having some niggly problems with breathing and a pain in my right side, I cant trust my GP any more so I am going to rock up at A&E like they told me to. Hopefully they can put my mind at rest and reassure me I am recovering ok and there is no lasting damage to my lungs.

What I need is to start to be able to make some plans set some goals and start living again.

The struggles of recovery

When I first returned from hospital I was full of excitement for life, determined to stay on a focused path to recovery. Mentally I am still there but its taking too long and following an unsatisfactory visit to my inefficient GP I feel a bit lost. Its dangerous to search the internet for answers but netdoctor is rapidly becoming my new support system.

I want to hear other peoples experiences, but often people only post the bad stories on the net so I doubt I would get much of a balanced view.

3 weeks ago today I was sent home I am much improved but stuggling to return to normal duties, everything knocks me back and begs the question is it too much too soon?

How much longer should I expect to be hampered by my ilness?

Slow Cookers and Vegetables as promised

Today I have created another stonking Stew, it smells delish and I do believe I am becoming a master of the slow cooked meat. This is much to the distress of my covenience food loving man who likes his food visibly separate on his plate. I have watched him try and dissect and separate the meat from the veg not without a little guilt, but you see deep down I know I am helping him improve his poor diet whether he enjoys it or not.

Stuart is a rare being, he has often said if there was a pill he could take that would prevent the need for eating he would take it. I have also witnessed the alien behaviour of pushing away a plate with food on because 'he has run out of potato!' what is that about????

I am in complete contrast, I cannot leave food that I am enjoying and it has taken a while to realise I need to put myself less. Is it normal for a woman at least a foot smaller than her super fit man, to have just the same on her plate??? I dont think so.

So its now my job the right the wrongs in our eating behaviour and set us on the right track.

I am up against it, I love chips, Stu loves chips!
But I am committed to the cause and I am going to try some recipes in my beloved slow cooker which dont mix veg, I have a fancy to slow roast a whole chicken and also want to try shredded pork.

I will then begin a quest to improve my vegetable consumption with the help of my trusty steamer, though I can guarantee broad beans are not on the menu EVER EVER EVER YUK!

Watch this space I am sure I will report back soon.

While my body plays catch up my brain plays flashback!

Following the turning point of my demise a very dishy french doctor came to see me, he informed me that it seemed my lungs were working better, crikey was I relieved, I was afraid to ask but needed to know if any long term damage to my lungs was likely. He said I was expected to make a full recovery..... Yay! That really was all I wanted to hear. I told him so much, elaborating on how 2011 was supposed to be my year to get fit! That is when Mr French Doctor man got quite zerious.... "you must put all ideas like that aside, we are talking months not weeks until you are returned to pre illness fitness" (not that that was much of a peak, yes I can tie my own laces, paint my toe nails of a fashion and keep up a semblance of normality but in secret phew do I chuff!)

So back to my plan, this isnt the first time I have pledged to make changes, those of you who really know me, not just in the virtual sense, will know I have had many plans. Some get off the ground and result in partial progress, others pale away. This time is diffent, this is not about a short term goal to get into a smaller size for a wedding. Its not about being able to spend money I havent got on the fantasic array of cool clothes available in the standard sizes (12 - 18).

This is about having a mental plan to combat the mortal fear I get when I flashback to being in that ward, surrounded by people who for different reasons havent got an adequate body to keep them well and free from pain and suffering.

When I was sat there among them with my oxygen mask forcing air into my lungs, nebuliser opening up my cluttered airway, sweat dripping down my forehead and head lolling as I faught the urge to fall alseep. I saw the future for me and I didnt like it one bit.

My fear or hospitals had kept me away from them for a very long time, but I started to think that if I dont change, if I dont start to care about my body, I may well end up in one of those beds, with no dignity, no hope and lots to regret.

I did not want this post to be so negative but I guess it needed to be written down in front of me starkly so that I can read and re read my pledge.

I promise my next post will be full of talk of slow cookers, fruit and vegetables but for today I will spare a thought for some of those unfortunate souls and another for the sadly growing death toll of healthy people who have been taken from us this winter by Swine flu and Pneumonia.

Day One - Where do I start?

I am beginning a journey, at the grand old age of 44  - I have finally woken up to myself and with the help of a recent scare, I am starting a new phase in my life.

You see I am a good person, kind and thoughtful, will do anything for just about anyone but when it comes to me .... pretty much zilch. I am so far down my list of priorities that I guess I am lucky to have gotten to the ripe old age of 44 without serious problems.

Anyway 2010 wasnt a great year for me health wise, it began with Laryngitis, lots of referalls to specialists, new meds new meds and more new meds, I began to rattle! I got fed up and started doing less and less (which wasnt much of a change as I did very little anyway). My work means the world to me and I always made sure I had energy for that but everything else got lost along the way.

As I settled in to this sedentary life I had carved myself, little did I know how dangerously close I would get to slipping away completely.

You see hard work, late nights, poor diet, little exercise, and isolation do not contribute to a robust constitution and by late November 2010 a nasty little virus had entered my body and was silently working its way into my respiratory system.

I was ill, so ill I couldn't go to work and believe me that's ill! 3 trips to the doctors resulted in back to back anti biotics and doctors notes but I wasnt getting any better.

In early December a GP got close to solving the mystery, my oxygen levels were 88% I had a temperature 38.5, I was coughing up blood, so off the the local hospital I was sent where a bed was waiting. A bed I refused to get into! Silly me! Possible Pulmonary Embolism was diagnosed and more anti biotics prescribed. I went home same day and continued my quest to combat the chest infection I thought I had. I sat around surrounded by over the counter remedies and spent days going through the cycle of tablets, inhalers, nasal sprays, throat sprays, painklillers, anti biotics, and throat sweets.

But I wasnt getting better I was getting worse.

In the early hours of 27th December after the worst Christmas on record (and there have been a few) I was rushed to A&E with breathing problems, due to the bank holiday it took several days to diagnose Swine Flu and Double Pneumonia!

I spent 10 days in hospital in isolation ITU and there were times when I didnt think I would make it, I didnt respond well to the drugs they gave me and my poor old lungs were not filtering properly.

But here I am back at home pretty weak but on the mend. My mind is full of thoughts and plans but my poor little body needs time to catch up.

This blog will follow me through my journey to get back to my health levels prior to the assasination attempt and then onwards to a new level never seen before in my lifetime. I am not setting unrealistic goals, just planning on living healthily and managing to treck up the odd North Devon Sand Dune sometime in 2011.

If I havent bored you stiff with my first longwinded update feel free to join me on my journey :)